Guilty Conscience
by iheartci
Summary: Eames feels guilty after a particularly tough case that brings up some bad memories from her past.


So I was watching a re-run of The Third Horseman today. Eames kept asking everybody if they really thought that abortion was murder. It was almost like she was looking for reassurance or something. I got the feeling that maybe she'd had an abortion in the past and this case brought up some bad memories, so I decided to write this. Hope it's good, enjoy!

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><p>Eames was sitting at home on her couch after a long few days of work with a glass and a freshly opened bottle of wine. This was her first chance to try to relax but she just couldn't. This case brought up a lot of memories that she'd worked very hard to suppress. It was about a man who shot an abortion doctor because he thought that God had told him to. He'd thought that he was saving the babies by killing that man.<p>

This was the first case in a long time where Eames had felt like she'd lost control. She had snapped at that woman she and Bobby had interviewed who had been letting the suspect, Dennis Griscom, stay at her house recently. She regained control of herself, almost immediately lowering her voice when she'd realized she had started to yell at the lady. After that, though, she had to get up from the table and let Bobby take over.

She was upset with herself that she'd let this case get to her so much, but she wasn't surprised. Abortion is a topic that's pretty hard to get away from, and she knew that even she couldn't avoid it forever. She had just hoped that she could.

Later in the case she had started to ask everyone's opinion on abortion. She asked Bobby first, after she'd found out that he'd told an anti-abortion advocate that he, too, believed that there should be action taken to stop the abortion doctors. He'd told her it was only to gain the man's trust to get him to talk, so she asked him what he really believed. He'd tried to blow her off at first saying he'd let her know what he thought when he got pregnant. She really wasn't in the mood for his jokes that day and he could tell. After he saw the look she gave him he turned to face her and told her what he really thought. That there needs to be options, and abortion has to be one of those options.

When he'd said that, it made her feel a little bit better. She had a lot of respect for him and she valued his opinions. It comforted her slightly to know that Bobby wasn't completely opposed to abortions.

Then she had asked Carver if he really thought that abortion was murder, but he blew her off. She knew he was against it, simply by the way he was acting about this case the whole time. That made her angry and it made her feel guilty.

What nobody knew about her past was that she had been caught between a rock and a hard place when she was younger. Not too young, but in her early twenties. She had just gotten out of the academy and was finally getting to start her career as a police officer. While in the academy, she had met Joe. Things got hot and heavy pretty quickly, and after one night of passion she hadn't felt quite right. She recognized all the obvious signs; missed period, morning sickness...So she took a test, and what do you know? She was pregnant.

She panicked immediately of course. Too many thoughts came rushing through her mind. She was too young, she wasn't married, she was just about to graduate out of the academy. What would her parents think? She thought about it long and hard for about two weeks until finally she made that difficult decision.

She didn't know where to go at first, so she asked her best friend whom she knew she could trust. She found a place that was a little out of town, which she needed since her hometown was one of those where everyone knew everything about everybody. She really didn't need this getting around.

So off she went, and she had it done. It was incredibly traumatizing for multiple reasons. For months after it was all she could think about. She was wracked with guilt and saddness for what could have been. She had always wanted kids, but it was just such horrible timing. She never told Joe about it, which was one of the many reasons why his death had taken such a toll on her. She had felt so guilty that she had never told him about the life they had made together and what she had done to it.

She didn't realize it, but she had downed a bottle of wine while thinking about her checkered past. She suddenly got very sleepy, and passed out on the couch. That night she dreamt about her and Joe, playing with a little girl at a park. They were all laughing and smiling.

The next morning she woke up with tear streaked cheeks and a small, sad smile on her face.

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><p>If you couldn't tell already, I was toward the end of this and didn't quite know where it was going. I knew I wanted it to end with some kind of dream, but after that I didn't know. So, sorry if the ending seemed a little abrupt. Anyway, I hope you liked this. Please review! :)<p> 


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